


Misleading Honesty, Loud Actions, and C'est La Vie

by Diary



Category: Oz (TV)
Genre: Angst and Feels, Consensual But Not Safe Or Sane, Conversations, Love, Male Friendship, Mildly Dubious Consent, Past Tense, Post-Episode AU: s04e08 You Bet Your Life, Romance, Semi-Public Sex, Unsafe Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-26
Updated: 2019-07-26
Packaged: 2020-07-20 12:31:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,458
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19992259
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Diary/pseuds/Diary
Summary: An AU of Beecher/Keller not quite coming back together during season 4. Complete.





	Misleading Honesty, Loud Actions, and C'est La Vie

Taking a deep breath, Toby sat down next to Chris in the quad.

“Could we just- call a fifteen minute truce?”

Scoffing, Chris looked over. “What do you think you can get up to in fifteen minutes, Beecher? Or sorted out, or whatever the-”

“You’re never going to forgive me. That hurts, but it’s time I accepted it. I tried to make you jealous, make you care, make you hurt, I’m not even fully sure what my motivations were with Shemin and Browne. You want an apology? Fine. I’m genuinely sorry, Chris. But this has to end.”

Laughing, Chris leaned back. “Hey, you don’t go around sticking your dick where it doesn’t belong, and-”

“If you want to punish me, let’s end this. I’m assuming you don’t want me dead. Whatever else you want-” He sighed. “Could we just get it over with? You’re going to get bored with trying to draw this out, and then, you’ll do- I don’t know. What I do know is, I gave up my right to you. You want to be with someone, I won’t stop you. I’m asking you to do the same.”

Shaking his head, Chris peered at him for a long moment. “And you think you giving up your right means I gave up mine?”

“Well, you don’t love or want me, anymore. All that leaves is wanting to hurt me. You hate boredom, Chris, and you will get bored soon enough. Tell me what the price is, and I’ll pay it. Then, we can both move on.”

Chris skimmed his fingers up and down Toby’s arm. “I could break your arms again. Do the legs this time myself.”

Shuddering, Toby swallowed hard.

“I hate boredom, true enough, but maybe, how I feel, how you made me feel when you accused me of killing your little boy, maybe that’d keep it away long enough. Your sentence has an end date, Beecher, but how many times do you get the chance at parole before it comes? How many times could a person mess that up for you, force you to go even longer without being with your other two? It’d hurt them, sure, but then, I’d be guilty of it.”

Toby knocked the hand away. Anger was in his eyes, but then, he took another deep breath, and it vanished. “Fine. If you get caught killing someone else, I hope you have a decent excuse to sell. ‘I killed him, because, he slept with a man I hate,’ that’ll raise some eyebrows. But add in, ‘Oh, and the man I hate? He, however, is still alive,’ well-” Shrugging, Toby stood up.

“I wanted to see him suffer sounds good to me,” Chris replied.

Shaking his head, Toby looked down at him. “I fold. Maybe, me fighting back makes it more fun for you. Whatever you’re going to do, you’re going to. Until then, I’m going to try to focus on the few good things in my life. Okay, Chris? I’m just-” Throwing his hands up, he walked away.

…

“I need to talk to you in the gym,” O’Reily had said. “Meet me after lunch.”

Standing in roughly the same place he was when Operation Toby was revealed, Keller greeted, “Hey, Beech.”

Déjà vu only applies to things that haven’t happened, he knew.

The gym was otherwise empty, and assuming neither of them took steps to make sure it was locked once he came in, there’s a chance he could get out the door before-

Sighing, he walked over. “Chris.”

“You keep everything wrapped up when you were with Shemin and Browne? And anyone else?”

He tried not to wince. “No. And they were the only ones.”

The slap upside his head felt more like- it didn’t feel like the action of someone who might be about to re-break his bones.

“You seen Dr Nathan?”

“Yeah. So far, there’s no signs of anything, but it’s too early to tell.”

Pain, anger, sadness, they all crossed Chris’ face, and then, the expression settled into resolution. It was the type of determination he’d seen before on Chris’ face where Chris acknowledged, privately, if not always aloud, doing something might have bad consequences but that he was going to do it anyway.

He wasn’t so much pushed against the wall as Chris settled hands on his shoulders and lead him backwards until his back made contact.

“I haven’t been with anyone. No one to blame but yourself if there is.”

Before he could fully process this to even try responding, Chris had undone his belt.

“Chris-”

Pulling his pants down, Chris slipped fingers underneath his underwear, and he was acutely aware of the fingers making contact with his hips, thighs, stomach, and lower back. Then, looking up, Chris asked, “Ready?”

He could hear the layers: Chris had never pushed too hard when it came to sex, but this didn’t mean whatever Chris had planned could be put off indefinitely.

“Chris, what- I’m lost.”

“Ain’t that the overstatement of the century,” was the cold, contemptuous response. “Ready or not?”

Trying not to let out any sound of his frustration, he nodded as he leaned his head against the wall.

His underwear was pulled down. “Say it.”

For a brief second, he wondered what he was supposed to say.

Then, “Yes.”

At the first touch of Chris’ mouth, his hands automatically went to rest on the back of Chris’ neck and to tangle in his hair. The first few times he did this to Chris, Chris was careful about holding onto something else instead of him, and when Chris did touch, it was his shoulders.

However, the first few times Chris did this, Chris put his hands on the back of Chris’ neck and head. Later, once they got more settled, there was a time in a storage closet when he’d automatically scrambled to find purchase on something, and pulling away, Chris glared at him until his hands settled and guided Chris back.

Through the pleasure, he knew he wouldn’t last long.

When Chris pulled away, it was a mingle of relief and a host of other feelings.

This was safer than if he’d finished, but what just happened was still risky.

Chris always had him pull away before the end, and most of the time, Chris was patient, but once, he’d been irritated, _Jesus, Beech, some people like it, some don’t, it don’t matter to me why you don’t, just that ya don’t._

On the other hand, Chris himself made it clear he didn’t want to pull away and never did, and part of him always wondered if it’s because Chris really did like it or if there was something else deeper involved.

It took him a moment to realise Chris was tugging him, pants and boxers still around his ankles, over to the mat.

He didn’t even remember if there was a mat, but he knew this was roughly the same spot his arms and legs had been broken.

Kicking off his shoes, Chris tugged off his own shirt before tossing him something.

Lube.

Getting out of his pants, no underwear, that wasn’t particularly a surprise, just one of those things that made him wonder _why?_ , Chris sat down on the mat before pulling him along.

“Someone could come in. O’Reily might be good at running interference, but there’s always a chance.”

Chris shrugged. “It’ll be the tattoo on your ass, not mine, that they’ll see.”

By the times the words fully sank in, Chris was on his stomach.

“Chris-”

“You’re right, O’Reily can only do so much. Better hurry.”

He wasn’t sure- Despite everything, Chris’ ministrations were still holding down below, but sex in the place where he’d gotten both arms and legs broken, _I never loved you_ , in a public place, the risk of what might happen to both of them, Chris especially, never mind them being thrown in the hole-

What, he found himself thinking, are you going to do if I don’t?

Looking at Chris, tensed back, fingers silently drumming against the mat, he honestly didn’t know.

Trying to keep his sigh in, he grabbed Chris’ pants, and going through the pockets, he was disappointed but unsurprised to find a lack of condoms.

He hadn’t brought any, either, because, he’d thought he was meeting heterosexual O’Reily in the reasonably populated prison gym. A little warning, ‘I’m helping Keller in his attempt to wreak havoc on your life, now, you might want to bring some rubbers before I deliver you to him,’ would have been appreciated.

Looking over without fully turning, Chris inquired, “What makes me different from them?”

“You aren’t stupid. What I did- you had no right to kill them, but you were right about one thing: In a way, I did put my dick and mouth where they didn’t belong. I could have put them at risk. Right now, I am at risk, and it’ll take time to know whether I have something or not.”

“I’m not afraid.” The words were careless, a little defiant, and as far as he could tell, true.

What does that even mean, he was tempted to ask. What aren’t you afraid of? Why aren’t you?

“Then, you are stupid.”

A scoffing chuckle filled the air. “I’m in good company, then. You need me to get you hard, again, Beecher, or are we going to do this?”

No, hung on the tip of his tongue.

Whatever this said about him, his body was still willing and able and wanting, almost desperate.

He looked down at the lube before looking back up. “Turn over.”

There was a brief pause, possibly a hesitation, and then, Chris did. His hands went up to prop his head up, and un-self-conscious in a way Toby never understood but always wanted to, he held steady eye contact as he spread his legs.

Vern might have hurt Chris once, but he knew Chris was never at risk for being like him (Toby).

I’m sorry I lost that, almost tumbled out. Lost you. Having someone like you love me, maybe, even need me, I never would have believed it possible. People like me don’t get people like you.

Hoping Chris didn’t see the tears forming, he used the movement of taking off his shirt to surreptitiously wipe at his eyes.

…

On some level, it was good.

It hadn’t been up to their normal standards.

Now, Chris grabbed his shoes, and he’d never understood Chris putting shoes on first. Or without socks.

He wondered if the way he dressed ever puzzled Chris or if Chris even paid any attention.

The light caught something on the sole of Chris’ foot, and he stopped Chris’ movements with a touch.

Warning shone in Chris’ eyes.

He’d touched the bullet wound on Chris’ chest, and his hand had been removed with the same warning look. He’d known better than to kiss it.

Deciding there was a chance this would be safer, he lifted the leg up. More than the simple callouses, there were active blisters forming.

Forget what he says, ran through his head, I’m ordering him a package of decent socks, and he’s going to see Dr Nathan. If she offers help in getting new shoes, he’s-

It felt as if ice drenched him when he remembered: _We’re over, we’re finished, we’re done_.

Pulling his foot back, Chris smiled a smile that didn’t reach his eyes. “I don’t need to do anything else.” Fingers gently traced up and down his arms. “No one is ever going to make you feel the way I did, Toby. Hope you’re smarter with any other guys. I won’t be stupid enough to take anymore risks. And when you get out, you might find some pretty, sweet, respectable little woman, have polite sex, gentle, soft, maybe, you’ll bring her off, hell, maybe, she’ll let you use those easy-to-break cuffs or tie her wrists with scarves.”

“But,” Chris rubbed their foreheads together, “it won’t give you what you crave. I’ve been inside you. You let me, and you loved it, begged for more. And you’ve been inside me, made me beg. You’re going to want me for the rest of your life.”

Swallowing, he closed his eyes until Chris moved away.

Chris stood up to finish dressing, and tossing the gym towels they'd used to clean themselves into a nearby hamper, he said, “You know, I find it interesting.”

Feeling dullness settle through him, he asked, “Oh, yeah? What’s that?”

“I hurt you, and I spent a long time trying to earn your trust back, your forgiveness, your love. I did almost everything you wanted. But you try to kill me, possibly more than once, and that’s fine. Maybe not, but I could shake that off. You do that, though, and worse, and I say we’re through, you don’t try to win me back, you don’t accept it like you wished I had, instead, you decide to try to make me jealous, hurt me, whatever. Says some interesting things about you and me, don’t it?”

He probably could argue, but-

“Is there anyway I could regain your trust? Get you to forgive me? Is there any part of you that still loves me?”

“No.”

Wiping the tears he couldn’t stop, he nodded. “Then, I won’t say I won’t ever be with someone else here, but I won’t do it to hurt you. I’ll be discreet. And- if you don’t hurt me, I won’t try to hurt you anymore.”

“All nice, neat, and tidy, huh, Beecher?” Chris finished getting dressed. “It’ll hurt.” He looked down. “Wanting me, needing me, and I’m not even talking about sex. You being desperate just to touch me. Don’t take that hurt out on me, and I won’t need to retaliate. See you around.”

Chris walked out.

…

“K-boy.” O’Reily lifted himself up onto the folding area beside him. “Based on the fact Beecher’s walking around and didn’t try to attack me the second he saw me, I’m guessing you didn’t do anything to make me regret helping you too badly.”

“Nah. I gave him what he needed, took a little of what I did, and that’s that.”

Making a disbelieving noise, O’Reily shook his head. “Do I want to know what that even means?”

“Probably not.” Taking his shoes off, he rubbed at his foot. “One of the mats might need to be washed, but other than that, we had a badly needed conversation.”

“That mean you’re back together?”

“Never going to happen.”

“What did you talk about, then?”

“That’s between me and him.”

O’Reily shrugged. “I don’t get it, but okay. If you told him the truth, though-”

“Why the hell would I do that?” Chris scoffed. “I told you, I gave him what he needed.”


End file.
